So we broke up. Yes I can admit it. He just kept yoyoing. (yes it's a word cuz i say so!) There are no more tears left and there is nothing left in the area where my heart used to be. I love him so much that i had to let him go. It's not fair to either of us you know. I'm so tore up about this.
For the first time in my life i had this wonderful man that loved me so much and I loved him more than anything. But some things are more important than our love. His family is more important and i know that and i couldn't ask him to come back here and spend more of his depleting funds on me when he should be there with his son and family. Me....well i'm going to pick up the pieces again and move on again. But this time....it's gonna be super hard to move on. So for now....no moving on, just personal private time. Just me time. And i'm going to throw myself into aerobics and books. If i can't have a good romance in my life i might as well read about it.
I knew in my heart deep down that he'd never come back. Even though he still says he wants to...I know he can't afford it, he has more at stake than i do he has this adorable little son and i am not a selfish person, I can't ask him to spend more money on me and come here. He has to take time and figure out what is important to him and that is what i told him.
As for me....dating is out. There is nothing i can offer anyone right now. I never knew you could hurt so much just by setting someone free. Now it's time for the old saying....If you set it free and it comes back to you it's yours. He actually told me tonight that he didn't want to leave me but that he was scared. Scared he'd not find a job and that i'd kick him out. I'd never do that!! But i can't get that through his head and I'm just tired.
He was supposed to be flying into the airport tonight....in fact this is the time i was supposed to be going and picking him up. He wasted his money on his ticket.....and he broke the already shattered pieces of what was left of my heart. It'll take time......time to mend......again :( I told him in time he'd forget about me and he'd meet someone else and he'd have the wife and family he wanted. And he told me he'd never in his life forget me. It's nice to hear but men always forget you once something better comes along. This is something you have to realize as a woman. This will be the hardest thing I've ever had to do....I have to move on from what was the love of my life. The one man that actually told me his feelings for me and the man who actually wanted a life with me.
How do i do this?
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