Sunday, December 5, 2010


Why is it necessary? Oh yeah so one can feel complete and have a husband and family. Gee I wonder if that will ever happen for me. Any more dating seems so ruff. It's not a sport for the faint of heart. In fact I've really not done it for a while.

It seems like the older I get the harder it is to find a good man. Are there really any out there? I hate to say I'm about to give up hope but damn!! Seriously!! And if I do by chance end up with a good one I'm totally freaked the hell out that I'll screw up something! I hate to admit it but I've come to the point in my life where I'd like to actually settle down and have that wonderful life. But that plan isn't really happening....AT ALL, lol. See in order to have that you have to be with someone you can trust and someone that will love you back.

I have recently met a nice guy that for the first time in a VERY long time I was excited and nervous to meet. Which can only mean bad news for my heart. I have a wonderful girlfriend who has told me to be positive. And I'm trying that. I like to say things like he'll call. When he gets the chance. And I think it was super sweet of him to show up and spend time with me on a day that he was having a really bad day. And for a couple of hours I like to think I made him smile. But that's what I do I'm Suzie Sunshine! Lol.

Frankly I'm terrified in general with any man anymore for fear of being hurt so badly again. I wish I could say that it gets easier through time but really all it does is burn you deeper till you can't recall what love ever was. Romance is nonexistent. Love....yeah I've felt it before. My girlfriend (who I like to call the wise one, lol) has said that I need to feel sexy to be sexy and that men will feed off that. I agree with her but I've pretty much felt like a total looser the past few months. Especially when one of my ex-boyfriends dumped me cuz i was "too good of a person". How on earth is that possible?

The only good thing I have to say about this year is that thank God I only had one boyfriend smash my heart up this year. Since when did relationship become a four letter word? I know that there has to be one guy out there that is worthy and sweet and treats me just as well as i treat him. I deserve someone great. I do dammit! :)